I decided I'm going to do 10 of these and then figure out a better system. 

I didn't sleep well last night. I was up late chewing on my thoughts. I sleep rarely. I used to think that made me tortured and dramatic. I could stay out late and never get tired. It seemed cool. I was wrong.

@moldgold222 that's why I didn't go to the show. I hope it was fun! I was socially drained from mayday. Sleep called my name at 9pm, which never happens, and I followed the urge. I'm sure you understand <3

They are ripping the wires out of my walls. When this is done there won't be any noticeable difference. But, my house won't be a bomb. I was trying to help yesterday, but today I'm keeping to myself. The very nice fella in the attic seems to prefer quiet.

I don't have anything to say. I'm leaving on a road trip on Sunday (psycho, but exciting), I'm gonna help a friend with some music stuff tonight, I gotta get my house somewhat put back together before I take off, I gotta mow... etc. All that feels very mundane. I'm gonna try some free writing. 

~~~

A day like the night, cool and still. The swan neck of streetlights, curled against the grey sky. The world is heavy with rain. The world is heavy with conflict. There was a Huey in the sky yesterday. It was massive and horrifically loud. Its body looked like a giant green metal plantain, and the propellors on either end spun viciously. It looked funny, rotund, oblong. It was not.

One time I was on mushrooms with a queen. We went for a hike in Cliff Cave park. We were briefly entangled. I didn't handle their feelings well. Their feelings seemed to run far ahead of the rest of them. I was being selfish. On the hike, we noticed people gathering, which isn't great if you're on mushrooms. A few minutes later a B-52 stealth bomber flew by, almost at eye level. It was like seeing my sleep paralysis demon.

I'm gonna go piss in my yard like a dog because I don't want to be in the way. I heaved the black juice down my throat but the belly is empty and the gut rotting. They need to make condoms for thoughts. They need to make freedom from slavery. They need to destroy Mt Rushmore, because when I see pictures of what it looked like originally, I get so mad. It was beautiful until the chud no swag herb ass colonial genocidal monsters turned it into something aggrandizing and obvious and insufferable. And then they did crazy horse sorta as an apology? An acknowledgement? Just leave the goddamn rocks alone. I see faces all day. I see a good rock maybe once a month.

I'm in a 12 step program for media addiction that takes place on zoom. I see a few of the same people at every meeting. Maybe they just like looking at the screen. Most of the group are women in their 50's who lack purpose and are addicted to phone games and social media. I really appreciate when they share their struggles. It's so sad, and it helps me do better with my own addiction.

The house across the street got raided the other day. There were two police officers, and three people in "FBI" badging but they looked like they had been feds for a couple days. The cops were in charge. Makes me wonder if the FBI is deputizing people willy nilly like ICE. Temu police state. "Well, they're helping me pay off my debt..." I don't support the troops. They arrested two women and took a third guy too. They brought the guy back after 10 minutes and he dapped up the cops when they left. All the neighbors saw and some of them heckled. My block HATES cops. This dude came by on a stolen bike with the cops chasing him and people ran interference. They eventually caught him running around someone's house. He got tazered. People filmed and booed.

The world is at once too much, and not enough.